At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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