finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize