I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
