my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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