mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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