i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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