I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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