I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
