were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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