i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
