What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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