At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
