He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
