Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She even gives head with a lisp.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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