Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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