WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
