I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize