I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize