no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
