Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
