How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
