I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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