I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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