These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
