I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
