She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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