when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize