this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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