Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
