I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
