I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
