ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
