I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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