What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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