someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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