I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
