I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
4 words: hood of his car
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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