im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you never un-have a 4some
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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