Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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