I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
