seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
