Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I still have a little drunk in my system
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need water and some morals
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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