We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
