Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
