screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
