you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
