I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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