WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize