I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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