oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
