just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
