I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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