and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
