I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
