I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
