1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
