Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
