Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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