Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
