it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
