Plan B is the new Plan A
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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