Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
