I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
