the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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