i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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