My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
