I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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