Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
