it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
