I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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