I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dicks are not precious.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
