Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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