I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
