you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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