I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
