I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
