Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
