I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
